Day7, 2026/08/07 Getting better an writing with my right hand. the last 15 minutes were harder, my butt and legs started to hurt. maybe because i was sitting a bit further form the table than usual? Also, it was getting difficult to focus, i was making more mistakes, forgetting to write some numbers, or mixing up the lines in the screenshots.
Day 8, 2026/08/08 Reading and writing all these tiny letters and numbers were hard today, probably because i don't get much sleep at night. Also, the weather was a bit cloudy and there wasn't as much light.
Day 9, 2026/08/09 today was quite easy, barely even looked at time during the one hour.
Day 10, 2026/08/10 The last 20 minutes where getting a bit frustrating. Felt a bit unwell, because I started a new medication the night before.
Day 11, 2026/08/11 The writing was like previous days, but a lot of trouble when editing and uploading (PC not booting, power outage, internet issues)
Day 12, 2026/08/12 All went pretty well, even the Internet connection was good. since there where different logs than usual (random letters and numbers), made the process less frustrating, because i was focused on transcribing the characters one by one, and was kinda distracted from the pain in my legs.
Day 13, 2026/08/13 the process was somewhat easy. (except the eye strain). the moody weather was nice; changed the atmosphere a bit.
Day 14, 2026/08/14 Today's logs were a bit more random. These ones require more focus and attention, therefor making the whole process easier to go through, without paying much attention to frustration and pain. Also, tried writing a bit slower and with more precision; this way less paper is used :)
Day 16, 2026/08/16 Didn’t sleep much last night. could barely keep my eyes open. Didn’t feel pain in legs just the eyes :)
Day 17, 2026/08/17 Didn’t feel much. The new laws have erased almost all possibilities for me to get further in life. Cried a lot last night, that´s why my eyes are swollen here. don’t know if it´s even worth it to go on. if the laws become established and finalized, i guess that would be it for me
Day 21, 2026/08/21 was a bit more self-conscious today.
Day 22, 2026/08/22 woke up a bit later today, today i was more self-conscious like yesterday. especially about the noise in the house. i feel like my focus on the text is getting better; i rarely lose where i were and don’t have to keep searching as often.
Day 23, 2026/08/23 Tried slowing down my pace today. quite liked it. everything has become really fast nowadays; it felt like unwinding a bit. it wasn’t frustrating today.
Day 24, 2026/08/24 Was really sleepy today; could barely keep my eyes open at some point. but got through it anyway
Day 25, 2026/08/25 Today everything felt unbearable. i was annoyed by everything. maybe it's pms? Tried writing the logs from my phone, so it was a bit unusual.
Day 26, 2026/08/26 Today felt rather good, i think i slept better last night. even though i woke up a bit later than usual
Day 27, 2026/08/27 Sleepyyyy
Day 28, 2026/08/28 the writing part went somewhat okay. i have gotten used to this now
Day 29, 2026/08/29 felt hopeless and numb because of the new limits that are set for us. (the English language tests being completely unavailable and all). not sure what i should do anymore.
Day 30, 2026/08/30 still pretty provoked by the things that are happening around me, and how they affect me and my path. but i have no other choice than to just keep going and hoping it will get better at some point :)
Day 31, 2026/08/31 extremely sleepy, could barely keep eyes open, it seemed so long, time just wouldn’t pass
Day 32, 2026/09/01 first month is already over, a bit overwhelmed by how fast time flies. today i was a bit more annoyed by the noise (dad woke up early and turned on ac, which can be heard in the vid) I'm not that bothered by it now, it's not that bad. but when i was writing, it was all that was an my mind
Day 33, 2026/09/02 was thinking about my father the whole time (who injured his knee and then ankle). the writing was like a background activity.
Day 34, 2026/09/03 way too sleepy. to an extent that my eyes kept twitching
Day 35, 2026/09/04 it went really slow. the minutes were too long. also, the room was pretty hot towards the end.
Day 36, 2026/09/05 Really sleepy today. don’t remember more than half of the whole duration. at some point (in the beginning), was trying so hard to keep myself from laughing, couldn’t stop thinking about the time i spent with my sister yesterday, and all the funny moments.
Day 37, 2026/09/06 This routine is getting really frustrating; not the writing itself, but the fact that i am doing it everyday first thing in the morning. I wish i could take a few days off in between. But gotta stick to it.
Day 38, 2026/09/07 Really sleepy. this lack of sleep is really starting to show itself. It is really hard to even keep my eyes open. (also, a lot of things have been happening, and i was thinking, how quickly one problem becomes irrelevant and others show up.)
Day 39, 2026/09/08 it was better than the couple days before. i was able to take things slower, even though, i had a lot of things on the mind.
Day 40, 2026/09/09 Only slept 3 hours last night, but wasn't feeling as sleepy as some of the previous days. but i was a bit more irritated by the noise around me. (maybe that's what prevented me from feeling too sleepy)
Day 41, 2026/09/10 Today went really quick and quite smooth, even though i woke up later than planned.
Day 42, 2026/09/11 extremely tired. but the writing was ok. it is getting really normal. i don’t need that much focus anymore.
Day 43, 2026/09/12 the writing was ok, except the discomfort in my eyes. This lack of sleep is really get to me i think. especially in making decisions and learning. might have to figure out a better routine.
Day 44, 2026/09/13 Was thinking about the busy day ahead most of the time. eyes are really tired.
Day 45, 2026/09/14 my current routine and life make me sick. the is too much uncertainty, so it's really difficult to come up with a clear plan and a to-do list. but at the same time i feel like i am only making excuses. too much of my everyday time is wasted. i could be making so much progress in so many things, but i don’t even know where to start. the amount of things to do and the tasks that need to be done is really big. there also is not a fixed structure in my life atm, i have to plan everything myself. but i get overwhelmed. the fact that everything is in floating is really taking a toll on me. i haven’t had good sleep since the second war started (that is over 6 months by now holy shit). i used to have a decent workout routine, but now it is like i only try to keep that routine so that i don’t feel guilty about being lazy. i haven’t been able to deeply focus on sth. i have been jumping around different tasks, trying to find and secure a way to a better future. what do i actually want from a "better" future?
Day 46, 2026/09/15 too hungry, too sleepy, it reminded me of those games we used to play where we had to take care of a creature, and after not playing a while, every meter was low and we didn’t know where to start. but it was ok, i slept for 2 more hours after writing.
Day 48, 2026/09/17 this time i started the writing at night, before sleeping (around 00:00 - 1:00 am) i had done some heavy workout that evening, so i was really tired. this session was like a torture. i don’t remember writing any of it, and i had a really difficult time keeping awake. but i made myself to push through it and finish it. i think i like doing this at night better, i just gotta adjust the rest of my routine. maybe i should drink my coffee later in the day. i also made quite a lot of errors in this session. i even held the pencil in my left hand (my dominant hand) for a second. i kept writing some words or numbers wrong. looking at the transcript now, i can barely read it.
Day 49, 2026/09/18 This time was somehow worse than last night. i did get coffee later in the evening and i didn’t do any workout. but still i was super sleepy. what i like about writing at night vs in the morning is that i don’t have to worry about the noise that much, also, waking up for this in the morning is hard and feels like i didn’t get enough sleep. but the thing is, despite being up until 2:30, i still got up automatically at 7 am and couldn’t go back to sleep. so i cant get enough sleep no matter what. This might sound silly, but i feel like writing when this sleepy and almost unconscious makes me aware of something else. when writing the logs, there are certain words, and sometimes those words turn into random shit that make sense in that moment but i cant remember any of them now. i mean it was getting quite easy tbh, writing with the non dominant hand is not a challenge anymore, i can actually write pretty quickly. so here the challenge is keeping awake through the whole hour, and who knows, maybe something interesting will come out of it. so i might keep doing this at night before sleep, even though, it really feels like a torture.
Day 50, 2026/09/19 Had coffee at 00:00. it was okay at the beginning of writing, but towards the end (the last 20 minutes) felt so sleepy. i thought the coffee would keep me awake throughout the whole night. i guess it cant put up a fight with the immense lack of sleep on the other hand. but this time of the day is better for recording, since there is much less noise in the house, so the editing process gets faster.
Day 51, 2026/09/20 was so irritated today (still am) from everything. The upload took 8 hours. Have no nerve to write more.
Day 52, 2026/09/21 pain in the right hand, way too sleepy, text not readable anymore, stopped a couple minutes early, overwhelmed by the day ahead
Day 53, 2026/09/22 more cramps and pain in right hand (only when writing, it's okay afterwards)
Day 54, 2026/09/23 really sleepy towards the end
Day 55, 2026/09/24 surprisingly not sleepy, even though it was pretty late at night. didnt notice anything particular, just a normal writing session
Day 56, 2026/09/25 i dont think it´s a good idea to stay up this late for the writing. might go back to writing in the morning.
Day 57, 2026/09/26 I know i said I would go back to writing in the morning, but i was too stressed to sleep. Also, the AC in my room smells weird even when it´s off. so another reason for my brain to refuse sleeping. Everything is happening so quick and I´m overwhelmed..
Day 58, 2026/09/27 Couldn't keep awake. (you can tell by how my writing looks). i had to stop before completing the task. feel really bad about it. maybe i'll do an hour and a half tomorrow? There is a lot happening in my life currently. i barely get any sleep. there is so much i need to do. all at once. and it's taking its toll
Day 59, 2026/09/28 felt a lot better today. (not considering the lack of sleep). still too stressed about everything. I though this action would be like a breather, to empty some space in my brain, but it's not doing that :) I am totally disconnected from what i do physically.
Day 61, 2026/09/30 got 7 hours of sleep last night. (wanted to wake up at 5 but missed the alarm, so it was two more hours of sleep forced on me by my body). didnt feel tired. but all the noise in made me anxious. My hear was beating at a higher rate, but i tried to go slower with the writing. tried to take 2 minuted for each line. (i did this as an exercise to slow down, generally; in response to the insanely fast pace of life currently.) Also, cant believe that 2 month is gone already since the start of this project; which stresses me even more about time.
Day 63, 2026/10/02 Don't really feel much these days. just pulling through. at the same time i don't want this to end because it's the only concrete thing i have in my life rn. everything else is floating in air.
Day 64, 2026/10/03 Felt good today! somehow i was able slow than a bit more. (which is usually really difficult for me)
Day 65, 2026/10/04 so overwhelmed by everything, but dont feel much. sometimes my doubt gets even bigger whether i can change anything at all. and why would that matter
Day 67, 2026/10/06 surprisingly i am doing somewhat good with the whole slowing down. (i have set the goal that each line that i write should take 3 minutes). something that has changed is that i am not thinking much about the writing, i am constantly looking at time.
Day 68, 2026/10/07 Kinda lost sense of time. dont feel much
Day 69, 2026/10/08 i am not present anymore in the writing task. i didnt think about anything today. i just keep going because i have to. this has become normal somehow.
Day 71, 2026/10/10 i am kinda getting tired of this. i have been doing this 71 days straight, no day off. what is it gonna feel like after it's done?
Day 72, 2026/10/11 sometime i get this feeling that everything will go well and that everything that happens has a reason. this makes me less mad about the unfairness that i and many other people are facing. is that actually a good thing? maybe! it makes me able to conceive and digest the situation better, trying to figure out why tf all of this happens and what can be done in response.
Day 73, 2026/10/12 there is still so much i gotta do, but for some reason i dont feel stressed anymore. sometimes i get this serotonin rush out of nowhere. but at the same time i dont wanna give myself false hope. funny thing is that none of this matters :))))
Day 74, 2026/10/13 This session was done at night, before sleep. i had a lot of different emotions and i couldn't sleep. (also, i had eaten a lot) stressed, overwhelmed, excited, hopeful and hopeless at the same time.
Day 75, 2026/10/14 the eyestrain is back. didn't get much sleep last night. but the writing wasn't too annoying. somehow i fell a bot relieved, but at the same time i still have so much to do.
Day 76, 2026/10/15 i have been doing so long that i don't need to look at the logs anymore; (not as much), i know them by heart. but at the same time, it's not a challenge to make myself take 3 minutes to write each line. considering how fast-pace my life has been lately- when it comes to getting somewhere, eating, anything- i thought it would be harder to take the writing slower. but this is somehow easier. today (tonight actually) was weird. i have a lot of excitement in me; so much that i can't focus. i can't sleep. so much excitement, so much fear, so much uncertainty, so much hope. i had so much i wanted to write, but don't remember them. It's 3:46 AM; I'm hungry.
Day 77, 2026/10/16 the exact opposite of last night; so sleepy tonight. even the coffee i had at 00:15 couldn't help. could barely keep the eyes open. kept losing the lines of the logs. also had extreme eyestrain. (this time i kept a scrap piece of paper on the side to write the thoughts that i had during the act, so that i don't forget them like last night.) was just trying to stay awake and push through; didn't care about the writing, whether i was doing it right, or was it precise. it was very tonight. was sweating the whole time. was thinking about listening to music to make this more bearable (but also because i have gotten even more addicted to music. i can't keep the headphones away from myself. it has also crippled my daily life); but that would ruin the concept of what I am doing.
Day 78, 2026/10/17 Heartbeat was pretty high tonight. (maybe it's 'cause of the coffee). Also my face was twitching. It felt like time wouldn't pass. This session felt like for ever. This act has gotten pretty normal and automated now; the whole time i was thinking about anything but the writing. Like about how i have been eating more sweets lately and that i need to change that. I felt especially guilty for the one biscuit i ate with my late night coffee. i also have three new acnes; Now i feel like my whole body is and system is disgusting. Also, my eyes hurt a lot tonight.
Day 79, 2026/10/18 (like the past few session i kept a piece of paper on the side to write my thoughts. but i can't read the first half. i was too sleepy in the beginning. i will enter the ones i can read :)) ... I just wanna listen to music after this, as i transfer the recordings to laptop. This is weird. I haven't painted anything for 7 months, but rn I feel a strong paint smell in my room. As if I have painted in the day and now my room smells like paint and solvent. (I mean i do have a few large and small canvases in the room, which still have a paint smell, even though they are somewhat old. But why does it feel so strong all of a sudden? Is is the lack of sleep?) Why is it so hot? I have a feeling of impending doom. Last three minutes; my lower back hurts, as well as my knees.
Day 80, 2026/10/19 Eyes and face hurt a lot. In the past 3 days i have only slept about 4-5 hours. Also have a headache tonight. But i like the night sessions way more.
Day 81, 2026/10/20 My lower belly really hurt this session. Am i about to get my period? It is too soon, and i'm afraid of having problems again with my uterus. But also, i did some relatively heavy workout that night. so it might be just because of that.because my back muscles also hurt. And this one-hour sitting is not helping with that. I need to move. My right leg fell asleep.
Day 82, 2026/10/21 This one was a morning session. Even though night sessions are more sleepy, but time seems to go faster. i have more thoughts and feelings at night. Mornings i just exist. i still had the piece of paper on the side to write the thoughts but i didnt have much to write today. I was just there to do the task. i just know that i am tired and im hungry.
Day 83, 2026/10/22 This one was the worst one so far. I guess the messy day affected it, but also i was way too tired. i think i was asleep the majority of this session. I didnt even clean the phone lens before recording, so the footage is not sharp. the notes that i have written on the side make no sense at all, i am embarrassed to put them here. Maybe after a few days, i will do that.
Day 84, 2026/10/23 This was a morning session, so not much thought. (this activity actually gives me time to fully wake up; i think doing absolutely nothing for a certain time helps) Had cramps and pain in the right hand. (not only the fingers, also bicep for some reason)
Day 86, 2026/10/25 I was cold during this one (the temperature finally decreased a bit here) i was so sleepy, and actually feel a bit embarrassed of this recording. you can totally see i doze off (?) at some points. Time didnt seem to pass at all. this felt forever. It is almost impossible to write slowly when i´m this sleepy. It would have been much easier if i had written down way more logs faster, rather than these few lines in one hour. Last 3 minutes; i´m also really hungry, but i don´t want to eat, because i have n energy to brush teeth afterwards. (i did eat and brush teeth; the upload of this one took 8 hours)
Day 88, 2026/10/27 I had the piece of paper next to me to write the thought. But had no thoughts. instead wrote the important things i need to get done today. a to do list lmao.
Day 89, 2026/10/28 My main focus is stretching each line´s time, so that it reaches 6 minutes. Today went by pretty okay. didn't feel like forever.
Day 90, 2026/10/29 I have gotten so used to this, it doesn't even bother me anymore. I don't know what it's gonna be like when the performance is over. Maybe I'll let some time pass, let it sink in, and then see how i felt/feel about it.
Day 91, 2026/10/30 only one more day left still don´t know how i feel about it
